Rebel Without A Clause

I was walking home and a police car was driving by, so I crossed the street NOT at a crosswalk and RIGHT in front of the cop!

I am so badass.

Next I am going to start stealing stuff and killing people.

Question:

What is Jesus's real middle name?

Jkhsdfohfklhjgkjfkio. Ihknm.

kjgkljglkjlfpfjrotflol?


...


Hjksfjfiojdiogslkfnjsdlkugiogf sdjnio!



"sigh", gdjhiofuyh!

(What's So Funny About) The Middle East and Understanding?

I was walking across the very dark campus, when two men began walking behind me. I heard them talking and it truned out that they were Arab. Not only were they Arab, but they were Angry Arabs! So I started to freak out.
If I started walking faster, they may have noticed and yelled to me "Hey, why are you walking so fast?! Is it because we are Arabs, and your ignorant American media potrays all Arabs as terrorists?! Your actions have offended me!" Then I would have totally hurt his feelings.
If they were indeed real terrorists, and I started walking faster, they may have become even angrier and killed me, because terrorists love to be angry and kill people.

So I just kept walking at my same pace...
and made it home in one piece.


...Then decided to vote Republican. So I would be safe from Angry Arabs.

With the election coming up I cannot believe there is one issue which has yet to be touched: Suspending the voting rights of Florida and California.

Democracy is a beautiful thing. Unless you are from Florida. In which case you say "Democracy, who's that?" as she walks by you at the party and Democracy has to go into the bathroom and cry for the rest of the night. The saddest thing of all is that Hawaii, which is seperated from the mainland by 790 million miles (an estimate) of ocean, had nooooo problem with the election process. Someone should have given Florida a talk, pointed to Hawaii saying "Seeee, they did it", and Florida should have hung it's head in shame. So I am starting a new campaign: No More Democracy for Florida!
The only other option I see (which I am enthusiastically supporting) is that we saw Florida off from the rest of the unon, kick it off to sea and let Cuba have it as a gift. What better way to mend Cuban-U.S. relations than by giving them Disneyworld?! I mean, it's the happiest place on earth for cryin out loud.

The other state, which is slightly less guilty of misusing democracy, California, does not warrant as extreme an action, but does need to be addressed. C'mon, don't you think the government should step in, say "Okay California, I think it's time you took the year off. Just a little time away to clear your head, and if you have been good, maybe, just maybe you can vote again in four years." I mean, they elected the Terminator! What's worse is that they elected the Kindergarten Cop! The whole state of California should have woken up the next day, and said "Oh man, what happened last night?" We all have lapses of judgement, especially when on drugs or alcohol, but is it possible that an entire commonwealth of people did drugs on the same day, at the same time, right before hitting up the voting booths? Maybe Californians had been under a lot of pressure, and everyone just happen to snap on the same day: election day. Whatever the case, I strongly suggest a time out for the Golden State until after November 2.

Your Money's No Good Here, Mr. President

I saw President Jimmy Carter on TV and a thought crossed my mind: Does it say "President Jimmy Carter" on his credit card? or his checks? or his driver liscense?
But then I thought he probably doesn't even need a credit card, or checking acccount. If you are a former U.S. President, would you need to pay for anything, ever? Couldn't you just go to the store, pick out a few items, like a coffee table, maybe a DVD player, maybe a a few plants. When it's time to pay just smile at the manager, shrug and say "Hey, I'm a former U.S. president!" Then load up your truck and head on home?

Of course, that same former President could use this power for evil. Let's say after loading up his truck full of presidential goods, he drives that truck home, falls asleep at the wheel, veers off and kills a drifter. Then when the cops come to the scene wanting to arrest him for vehicular manslaughter he could smile at the detective, shrug and say "Hey, I'm a former U.S. president!"
And he would be let off the hook.

Man, I want to be a former U.S. president!

True Fact:

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure is just that, Excellent.
Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey is indeed, very bogus.

Hurricane Ivan Drago

Florida keeps getting smacked around by hurricanes. Normally i would like this, since it would teach florida a lesson for being such a state of suck, but then I began to look at the bigger picture, and one issue started to bother me:
Hurricanes have been around for centuries. How come we, the most technologically advanced society, have no way to fight them? Even Japan had ways to fight off Godzilla. Why does the U.S. NOT have a whole army of beasts in storage, filled with rage, angry, hungry and ready to fight? You are telling me there is no warehouse somewhere deep underground, or in the attic of a government building where we can hold a giant ape, or a lizard-robot that we can send to kick the crap of Hurricane Floyd, then eat his face...and then his families....? What the fuck are they spending our tax dollars on anyway?!