Is it just me? Part 3

Is it just me, or is pizza awesome?!

I don't know why, but...

I don't know why it is, but when someone has a quality smoking pipe, I am more likely to listen to what he/she has to say.

If you have a pipe, try saying this phrase to people, first without a pipe:

"Sir, the meteor is coming toward the earth at an exponentially fast speed."

Then try it with the pipe. See which time people take you more seriously. I bet its the second time, with the pipe.

You Can't Spell Greenspan, Without Green

They should change the U.S. currency to leaves.

That way, when someone says "What? Do you think money grows on trees?!"

You can say "Yes, yes it does."

Reality...?

On TV we have a lot of "reality" shows. If that's what "reality" is now, then what are we living in now? Can't there only be one true "reality?" What if television has become the new reality,and right now we are living in some sort of limbo between real reality and NOT reality? Oh shit...and and what if the only way to be "real" is to be filmed and broadcast on television???? Oh man, it's kind of like that movie "the Ring," or "Ringu"??? you know. If you watch the video and don't make a copy then a little girl crawls out of the tv and KILLS YOU???!!! Oh shit! Oh shit! What if we all need to start going on reality shows and eating horse testicles or try to marry rich people or work for Donald Trump, if we dont do these things, with a film crew present, then a little girl will crawl out of our TV and Kill us! Man. That's lame.

Well, at least reruns of "Just Shoot Me" are still on, and they can never take that away from us.

Things I Love

I Don't want everyone to think I am negative and angry all the time, so I thought I would balance out things by giving a list of Things I Like:

1. Dogs/Puppies
2. Warm Beverages on cold days
3. The colors green, red, purple...you know what, who am I trying to kid, I like all colors.
4. Black and white photography
5.The sky, and most things in it
6. Plants
7. Water: both for swimming and drinking
8. Movies that come on TV at 3 o'clock in the morning
9. The band STYX
10. Experimental drinks that soft drink companies come out with (Sprite ReMix, Crystal Clear Pepsi, etc.)
11. (Free) Love
12. That girl who held the door open for me that time I was going into the building , and I was carrying a bunch of stuff.
13. World Peace/Beer and Pizza

Things I Hate

I thought I would let you readers get to know me a little better, so here is a quick list, in no particular order, of Things I Hate:

1. The Man
2. People who hand out parking tickets. (Not police officers, who acctually serve other purposes like protection, but those people whose job it is to specifically give out parking tickets and nothing else. that must be a horrible existence)
3. Burned toast
4.People who spontaneously break out into songs from musicals
5.Things that cost money
6. Foreigners
7. The elderly (well, the ones who aren't lovable and sweet)
8. Parents that "encourage" their kids into sports and/or the arts in order to compenasate for their failed aspirations as children
9. People who read and enjoy this BLOG but dont comment on it
10. Religious fanatics who A) allow their faith to blind them to common sense and B) Hand out literature to get me to join their religion, which leads me to believe that they think that my religion isn't good enough.
11. Reality TV
12. Animals that bite/pee on you
13. Nazis

Letter to an Un-American Pen Pal

Dear (non-american-sounding-name-here)
Hi foreign friend. How things in your country/province/territory? Things are pretty crazy in America.
Last week we elected a new king. Here in America we decide our leaders through a "demokratic" method. This means we lock 12 people (choosen randomly) in one room for two days straight, with a big bucket of pickles. Each pickle has the name of one of the two candidates (also choosen randomly). In those two days, the twelve people in the room will eat all of the pickles in the bucket until there is one left. The name of the candidate on that last pickle is the new king.
How do you decide leaders in your nation? Write back soon.
Sincerely,
Your Pen Pal

Is It Just Me? Part 2

Is is just me, or was Mother Teresa really arrogant?

November 2nd

Tomorrow is election day here in America. I think we need change the name to make it an official holiday. I thought of the one name that would appropriately describe November 2nd. How about we call it:

WE'RE FUCKED EITHER WAY Day?


or Happy "Stand in a booth and write names on a piece of paper" day. What do you think?

Back from "High-a-tus" (Spellcheck is LAME)

I have not blogged in a while. To the one person who reads this, I apologize for making you sad. But I have a very good reason for it:
You see, I am part of this top secret government agency. The mission of this agency is to stop supernatural powers and monsters (with the aid of Nazis) from destroying the world and releasing hell on earth.

That's right. My name is Hellboy.